Promise Me
by captnswilson
Summary: Nine years after Alec's death, Magnus, with the help of Tessa, moves back in time to see Alec one last time.


"You are exceptionally quiet, Magnus. Recently, it's been hard to recognize you."

Magnus snapped his fingers and a spark flashed between them. He often did it until he finally came to the conclusion that it was a nervous tic that would be hard to combat. He looked at the bustling New York City behind the window of a small cafe. Only after a long moment, he dared to reciprocate his friend's gaze.

"My light is burning out, Tessa." His voice was as silent and weak as a breath of air. "I'm getting weaker, not only in terms of my powers. I'm afraid that I have become unable to experience deeper feelings."

There was no one in this world who could understand him better than Tessa. She, like him, knew the pain of loss and how difficult the life of a warlock was when you had survived many years. In the end, the time reaches you, it takes your strength away. You aren't so strong anymore, nothing is able to make you feel anything. In the end, you only exist.

"It's about Alec Lightwood, isn't it?" Tessa looked at him sadly, holding a cup of hot chocolate.

At the sound of that name, Magnus closed his eyes. People didn't often mention Alec around him. They knew that Magnus had never really cope with the loss.

Suddenly, he thought about his sons. About Max and Raphael. They both had their families now, their own lovers, their own children. He loved them most in the world, but even his family wasn't able to fill the void in his heart. No one could make Magnus stop feeling lonely.

"I want to see him," Magnus asked, almost begged, watching Tessa's reaction. "One more time."

Tessa's hair swirled on her shoulders as she shook her head and set down her cup.

"No, Magnus. You know it's too dangerous. If Clave finds out-"

"Do you miss them?" Magnus interrupted her. "Do you miss Will? Do you miss Jem?"

She was quiet for a moment, surprised and moved by his words. The pain glistened in her gray-blue eyes what made him regret his question.

He wanted to apologize to her, but Tessa silenced him with a raised hand. After a moment, she touched the whitish-green pendant that hung around her neck. A gift from Jem.

 _When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze._

"Not a day goes by without me thinking of them. Although Will died long ago, the wound he left in my heart will never heal. Jem has gone relatively recently that it seems to me that I still feel the touch of his lips on mine. Answering your question, Magnus, yes, I miss them and I would give almost everything to see them again. But not at that cost, not by the spell you want me to do. Please, Magnus, you're asking for too much."

"Tessa." Magnus covered her hands with her, feeling that he was falling apart, that he was slowly losing his mind. "I just want to see him. I don't intend to change the future, I just want to feel something. I want to realize that I'm still alive. And only Alexander can bring me back to life, even if I can't do the same for him. Tessa, please, it's my only hope."

His voice broke and he hid his face in his hands. After a moment, he felt the warm touch of Tessa's hand on his shoulder. It was an agreement.

* * *

"Remember, Magnus, under no circumstances can you meet your old version. If you change the future, even to a small extent, the consequences will be tragic."

He rolled his eyes, setting himself in a circle surrounded by candles. Tessa had been repeating these words for hours. Magnus knew the risk and that he was putting Tessa in a state of being open to danger. Only a few wizards were able to move in time, which was widely banned by Clave under the death penalty. Of course, if somehow they would find out… what was unlikely.

Magnus couldn't cast the spell alone, not in the present state, but with Tessa's help, he was strong enough to return to any moment of his past. To see Alec.

"Have you ever done this before?" Tessa asked gently.

"No. Who would have thought that even after so many years of life, something can be done for the first time."

It seemed to him that Tessa wished him good luck when her words got snatched by the sudden wind. Tessa disappeared, or rather Magnus got pulled into the whirlpool. Finally, he landed on the floor of his apartment, but there was no trace of Tessa, and the surroundings looked different than he remembered.

After Alec's death, Magnus stopped playing in changing the decor of the apartment. His home didn't differ much from the homes of normal people with simple furniture and subdued color of the walls. Though, Magnus doubted that any mundane liked the glitter occasionally falling down from their chandelier.

The loft Magnus was looking at reflected his former happiness. Leather armchairs, violet curtains, Persian carpets, a velvety bedsheet.

Magnus held his breath as he saw Alec's shirt on the back of one of the chairs. First, he touched it hesitantly with his fingers, then he picked up the shirt and pressed it to his face. He felt Alec's scent. The scent of a warrior, but also a young boy. A sweet smell of innocence.

Then he heard the bathroom door open. Bane forgot how to breathe, to talk, to move, so he just watched Alec enter the room. He was so young. Magnus could almost hear the remnants of his broken heart fall on the floor when he saw the light of his life. Alec was wearing only boxers shorts, wiping his hair with a towel, so at first, he didn't realize that he wasn't alone in the room. Magnus' gaze slipped down Alec's naked torso, covered with water drops, and his eyes filled with tears.

Alec finally noticed him. His eyes twinkled for a moment, a corner of his mouth lifted.

"Magnus? I thought you would come back a little later. Did something happen? Why are holding my-"

He shut up as Magnus closed his lips with a desperate kiss. Alec's shirt got lost somewhere on the floor when Magnus jumped to Alec, took his face in his hands and joined their lips in a mad, passionate kiss. Alec was surprised so it took him a moment to return the kiss, and when he finally did, Magnus could admit to himself that for the first time in years, he felt something.

Actually, he felt a lot. Even too much. Everything hurt, not just his broken heart. At the same time, he felt stronger than ever, as if Alec's presence created a flash of sparkle inside him that could keep him alive.

Alec interrupted the kiss, trying to say something, and Magnus clung to him, hugging him tightly, trying to keep that moment in his mind forever.

 _My sweet Alexander_ , he thought, _please don't go._

"I've missed you so much," he whispered straight into his ear. He felt Alec trembling slightly, and he closed his eyes, inhaling his boyfriend's scent. He smelled of sandalwood shampoo. Magnus grinned a little, fighting back tears.

"I've missed you too, even though you've been only gone for two hours." Alec patted his back. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Two hours. Magnus kissed his neck, his chin, his cheek. Only then he got the courage to move away from Alec and look him in the eyes. They were blue, like the rough sea, like the color of Magnus' magic.

He couldn't stop himself from touching Alec, so he placed his hand on his cheek. He had such a gentle expression, such pretty lips, captivating eyes. He was as beautiful as the angel in the center of his glory.

Magnus couldn't force himself to breathe.

"I'm scared that I love you too much to live without you," he whispered, gazing into Alec's eyes. He saw sadness and surprise in them. He didn't want to frighten him, it could have a bad influence on time, but he wasn't able to pretend that everything was alright. "I just… I had a nightmare last night. In the age of 43, you got killed by a demon. When I reached you, first I saw Izzy's black hair scattering over your face as she bent over you. Her body was shaking. I tried to pull her away and then I saw your blue eyes. They were open, but your heart, Alexander, your heart-"

"Shh, Magnus," Alec said in a hushed voice, pulling him closer. He was obviously touched by Magnus' words. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Magnus pressed his face to Alec's shoulder. It was not a dream. He remembered the moment when he had realized that Alec's heart had stopped beating. That his own heart had begun a slow process of disintegration. For a long time, he had been hugging Isabelle as they'd been crying over the most important person in their lives. It'd been nine years ago, and Magnus still saw this scene under his eyelids everytime he closed his eyes. He still heard Isabelle's sobbing.

Alec carefully led him to the bed. They lay down, side by side, holding hands. Magnus hadn't been sharing a bed with anyone for so long. He rested his head on his other hand and stared at Alec, who lay down on his back and closed his eyes.

"One day I will be gone," Alec started gingerly, yet there was certainty in his voice, no fear of death. "I will die in a battle or when I'm so old, or maybe in another way. None of us can change that, Magnus. As I must die, you must survive." He turned his head to look at him, and Magnus felt a surge of big love for that brave man that his heart ached. "You lived before me and you will live after me. You will enjoy life and remember our short history with a smile on your face. You will think of me, of Alec Lightwood, not like of the person who broke your heart, but the person who made you happy at some point. You won't be sad because of me. Can you promise me that?"

 _I've already broken this promis_ e, Magnus thought, but he nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Wise words from a wise man," he admitted. "Living without you will be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I promise."

Alec grinned, covering himself with a blanket and resting his head on Magnus' chest.

"Good. And I can promise you that when you wake up, I'll be here. Even if death breaks us apart, I will always be with you, Magnus. I love you."

Tears flowed down his cheeks as he dipped his fingers in Alec's hair and started to stroke it.

"I love you too, Alexander. I'll always love you."

Alec's calm breath told him that he fell asleep. Magnus kissed him on the top of his head, barely seeing anything through the tears, and then stood up and headed for the living room.

A moment later he saw his old version crossing the apartment. The old Magnus took off his jacket and massaging his aching neck, headed for the bedroom. He paused for a little at the door to look at Alec. His face brightened with a smile of happiness.

Later he slipped quietly into bed and kissed Alec in the same spot where Magnus kissed him.

"Magnus, you have to go. It's time."

He heard Tessa's soft, melodious voice from a distance. For the last time, he looked at the happy version of his former self and Alec in a quiet sleep, and then he let the darkness envelop him.

When he opened his eyes, Alec was gone. Tessa looked at him anxiously as if she didn't know what reaction she could expect.

"I wanted to feel something," he said with a frown, puffing his fingers. Blue light sparkled in the air. "I got what I wanted. I've never felt something like that, Tessa. All my long life I haven't felt so helpless. I promised him that I would enjoy life and not be sad. How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

And then all the sadness caught up with him, weighing him down. Bane fell to his knees and his body shook with despair. Tessa knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around him. This strong, wonderful woman who suffered no less than him, took on some of his pain. They were crying for Alec, Will, Jem and every other person who they had lost on their way. They cried for themselves because this pain was about to exist in them forever.

* * *

Two years later, while Magnus was passing Alicante on his way to the council meeting, the gun shop caught his attention. He stopped for a moment. Behind the window, there were impressive weapons, including daggers and swords. Magnus, however, looked only at the golden bow and a quiver containing 14 black arrows.

A smile appeared on his face and without hesitation he entered the store, thinking of Alec's words.

 _Even if death breaks us apart, I will always be with you._

He kept his promise.


End file.
